04/29/2011
Today a Mental State Department spokesperson leaked to the press that the MSD Operations Division has perfected a solution to all problems, and will be hosting a live ceremony to reveal this system to the public. He invited the public to "Come and marvel at the previously-hidden power of the Mental State Department!" Problems will be solved in the order they are received, Thursday, June 9, at the Beauty Bar in Portland, Oregon (SW 1st and Ash) at 8pm. The production will be a two-hour affair, involving sketch-comedy, music and stand-up, and all attendees' problems will be solved, according to the anonymous source.
Speaking in a hushed tone, the source claimed "The system is foolproof! That is to say, fools could not use this system!" Fools are not invited to attend the revealing of the problem-solving system. MSD has a long history of denying low-intelligence people participation in their hilarious and entertaining comedy shows. "They've actually found a way to make life better for the smart than it is for the dumb," the source said. Mental State Department think-tank research has shown the dumb are more likely to smile during tragic events, feel less pressure in times of crisis, and benefit greatly in terms of health and stress level from the low expectations of the general population.
The system, entitled Problem Solving Initiative - Creating and Kindly Announcing Silly Solutions, or PSICKASS, is rumored to involve a contest among comedians for the favor of the crowd. The laboratory at MSD Operations Division recently experienced an explosion in the Fun Reactor, so experts in live comedy experiences predict June 9th's public meeting will also address the excess of fun coming from the Mental State Department.
The Mental State Department is an extra-governmental agency whose dual mandate is the laughter of crowds and the solving of problems. A public relations liaison for MSD responded to this leak of the date and time of the public unveiling by admitting the project is complete. "MSD is proud to announce a 100% effective program for formulating solutions to problems. This live event at the Beauty Bar will be the culmination of years of research as we unveil PSICKASS to the world. Any problem, large or small, can be solved simply by attending this free comedy and problem-solving event. The only thing we ask is that the morons please stay home this night. MSD does not have time for morons."
Expect more updates at the date approaches.
Mental State Department can be contacted at mentalstatecomedy at g mail dot com
Where the brain goes when it dies.. laughing.